Monday, February 14, 2011

The life of a superhero can be rough.

Every superhero needs a day job. This job serves two purposes: first it keeps up the appearance that you're just an average run of the mill guy and second it brings a steady income.
"Why would a superhero need money though? I mean for pete's sake they have superpowers."  We're just like everyone else, we need food, we need gas, we like to party and who knows how often a damsel just out of distress will offer a reward. Even if they do offer a reward as thanks, it is superhero policy to turn down the offer at least three times. We have to keep up appearances.
Now when I say that the life of a superhero can be rough, I'm not talking about having to go out and occasionally get your face kicked in or have your powers backfire(thats always embarrassing). While that's rough too, I'm talking about the sleep to work ratio. The average person sleeps 7 - 8 hours a night,  now let's calculate how much sleep superheroes get.
There are 24 hours in a day.
Let's say superheroes work 50 hour, 5 day weeks. Thats 10 hours a day.
That leaves 14 hours in the day.
Just because we have superpowers does not mean we can fly to work. With traffic, let's say it takes 30 minutes to get to work. Thats 1 hour a day.
That leaves 13 hours in the day.
Superheroes have to eat, so lets see: breakfast can be on the go, 10 minutes. lunch will be with coworkers, 30 minutes. Dinner will be with the family, 45 minutes. Thats 1 hour and 25 minutes a day.
That leaves 11 hours and 35 minutes in the day.
Now we can't go out until 11 o' clock or else we would look silly and we can't leave while our family's are awake. So work start's at 8 a.m. we get home at 7:00 p.m. (taking into consideration driving and lunch break.) Let's just say we eat dinner right when we get home to 7:15, this leaves 2 hours and 45 minutes till 10 o'clock. This time is categorized as family time. Now from 10 o'clock to 11 o'clock, we put on our suit, and stock up our utility belt. Contrary to Hollywood's misconstrued views of superheroes, we cannot get dressed in the confined space of a phone booth in 1 second flat. It takes time. All of this from getting home to getting dressed is 4 hours a day.
That leaves 7 hours and 35 minutes in the day.
Now the average superhero goes on patrol for 4 hours. This leaves us with getting home at 3 o'clock in the morning.
That leaves 3 hours and 35 minutes in the day to sleep.

The life of a superhero can be rough.

1 comment:

  1. so superheroes do not work on weekends? thats not sophisticated my friend. superheroes need to be available 24/7. i know this one ninja for hire that i use for "jobs" that is available anytime i need him. now THAT is super.